Stagnant

With all of the hustle and bustle of life here; going to the Centre, planning a bunch of big events/activities, going to Market to get groceries, walking to the post office, planning to have company over, church activities, singing, teaching singing, teaching English, getting to know Guyanese people, cooking, eating, dealing with lice, and whatever else may come along, it is sometimes difficult to make personal time to spend with God. Even when we try, it seems we get interrupted, and sometimes, it's by someone asking, "What are you reading about?" or "Why do you read your Bible all the time?" (a false concept) which leads into an opportunity to tell them about the God we serve and the Bible we follow.

Lately we have both been feeling a little stagnant, a little on the lifeless side. Kinda like we're not on fire for God, just lukewarm. This is partly because of what is going on in our lives, and how much is going out, but also it is because we need to completely focus on Christ and not have our minds wandering in the clouds. Sometimes I feel like this is all fake, and that we're just here in a dream. Its like I am missing my "real life", but I'm not. I really am living this part of my life in Guyana. Please pray that I will be able to better focus on that, and that God will draw me closer to himself, and burn a fire in me that others will see more clearly.

This is Ellen now. Double post.
To let you know what inspired this post. Katie and I were just sitting on the bed wondering aloud about the events of tomorrow, what has transpired today, about all of our frustrations over time wasted, about our frustrations that we waste so much time talking about the frustrations. I looked at her and just said "I feel like I'm in a spiritual drought". She knew exactly what I meant right away. We get too busy with everything that is going on and then we just sit around and talk about all the things that are going on.

We need to be better stewards of our time! Every minute is a minute used for something. Every thought, action, motive, word, deed is to be subject to Christ, who lives in us. We need to draw so much closer to Him! It's almost like we have these mental barriers sometimes too. Like five free minutes can't be used to read or pray because that's not the proper amount of "God allotment" at one time. Or I feel like I'm not in a place where I'm "spiritual" enough or in the perfect frame of mind for reading or praying. Even meditation and memorization is difficult. We could do that while we walk through the market even, or as we're on a tapir.

I'm so happy we are going through this together though. We stopped belly-aching and started praying as we discussed how we felt about all of this. We need to pray more. We need the desire, the Spirit to fill us. Completely.

It's a struggle, it's a fight. But it's so worth it. I love it.
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